I am thinking about grad school.

Missing the coast.
Missing my buddy.

Listening to Bob Dylan,
Drinking coffee,
Sleeping next to my "old lady."
Is everything that I miss.

http://lovebryan.com/lafleur/2009/08/this-american-wife/

When I decide to get married and have kids I want it to be like this.

I just want to live in the country with Ash; while she crochet's magical creatures, I will sit on the front porch in the rocking chair playing with our hound dogs.

Broke, jobless, and living with my parents. AWESOME! Ash and I have not done to much since I have been back, we took Anthony and Taylor cat fishing last Sunday. Other then that not too much has been going on. I have called on 2 jobs and applied at one last week and have not heard back from any of them, I have a feeling that I should get used to that. It is weird to think that I have been only moved out of my apartment for just over a week. Day by day the time is going by fast but that is it. I keep busy doing stuff around the property for Grandma and working in the garden.

So graduation is done and over with but the stress is still ever lingering. For example I woke up from my afternoon nap dreaming about Leonard Woolf and The Village in The Jungle. Why can't my brain realize that I am no longer in school?!

So far I have taken one load of stuff over to C-Wood. All I have left in my apartment are books, a couch, a small desk, and kitchen shit. I wish it was possible to take all of this in one trip but I know that won't happen so I will have to come back later next week.

Summer goals are to read and post on here more regularly, on top of finding a new place and a job.

I can't seem to think. I 2 of 7 pages of a paper that is due tomorrow and I can't think. Everything I say comes out so damn muddled. I think it is because my brain has shut off without me knowing it. It is already graduated and it does not want to do any more papers. Or it could be due to the fact that I have only had a cinnamon role and some spring rolls all day. I hope that is the case because I am going to make some spaget and see if that fixes the problem.

I have been just bummed the fuck out. I feel as if I am a walking Zombie, I am just going through the steps of the day with nothing new happening. I am tired of being in Arcata, I am tired of school, and I am tired of being depressed. If I had more money I would be at the bar every night. The only way to describe the way I feel is that I have the blues, the bummed out broke blues.

I am thinking about buying these tell me what you think www.amazon.com/Dickies-83-294-Indigo-Overall-Color/dp/B001RB3CAG/ref=sr_1_24

My fly-fishing trip was canceled because he said it is snowing in Hat Creek. Snowing my ass: http://www.weather.com/weather/local/USCA0465?lswe=Hat%20Creek,%20CA&from=searchbox_localwx

I really want a tattoo.

Tattoo ideas tell me what you think.

1. A cow with the words "From C-Wood and always up to no good."
2. Words "For friends and family."
3. A owl

Took a quick break from homework to snap some sexy photos of myself.

1. Do Dishes
2. Write Co-Facilitation Write up
3. Begin Ethnic Studies Final Project
4. Ethnic Studies Reading Analysis
5. Ethnic Studies Paragraph Response
6. Begin Dessa Rose
7. Read Three Guineas
8. Begin research for Lit Paper

Getting shit down today.

I have been really really stressed out! It has to do with graduating, moving, grades, money, etc. I do not do well with stress, I am often grumpy, and I get depressed from it. I have these constant thoughts running through my head that I will never be able to accomplish the goals that I have set forth in front of me and that cause the said stress. 

On top of all this I get bummed out on my birthday for some reason. I don't know why but this wave of dread comes over me the closer my birthday gets. I often think of my upcoming demise on this earth and feel that in the past year of my existence I have not accomplished anything and gone anywhere new. (Wow, I am pretty uplifting this morning.) Since this is my positive attitude I have decided to just go home for my birthday but not do anything. I am not going to treat it like a big deal, my friends and family have always made it a big deal, and for some reason that stresses me out. I find that I get stressed out about the most stupid of shit, it always has to do with aspects of my life that should be fun. For some reason I feel that I need to entertain people on my birthday, therefore I worry if they are having a good time and careless about me and if I am having a good time. College has cause me to over analyze everything.

I will get over it once finals are over and am packing to go home for good.

... is that I am over it.

This weekend my good friend Cierra came over to visit. I had a lot of fun showing her around and taking her friends to the Brewery, a bunch of her friends from C-wood came over for 4/20. It was a good time because Josh came over one night and then a bunch of the old camp curtis neighbor's came over. I saw Conrad at his work and he said he might stop by, I did not think that he told the old crew and that they would come over. It was a nice surprise.

Today, before Cierra left we went to the beach and she was able to find four sand dollars. It was a good find because it was not low tide.

With good times comes bad times and the rest of the afternoon has found me pretty bummed. I miss Ashleigh so damn much that it hurts. I am so fucking tired of this long distance bullshit. I can't wait to get out of Humboldt County, I miss sweating. All day I have been stressing out about everything that needs to be done before I leave here and how a lot of it is not possible because I am so damn broke. I will be 25 this weekend and for some reason I always get really bummed on my birthday. I just don't like it to be a big deal and I get stressed because I feel I have to make everyone happy. On another note I suck at fly-fishing and I suck at school. I am not smart and it is starting to show. I am probably the second worst kid to attempt fly-fishing and it sucks because I spent so much money on a hobby that I suck at. However, I enjoy it a lot, it is strange. I guess it does not matter how good you are at something, it only matters if you enjoy it. I will most likely enjoy it more once I actually get to fish. Enough bitching, sorry.

Later.

1. Will I get a job after graduation
2. Will Ash and I find a place.
3. Will I be able to afford it.
4. Will I be able to move out by June 1.
5. Will I be able to go to Idaho for my cousin's graduation.
6. Will  I be able to pay all my bills until I graduate.
7. Will I be able to go home for my birthday.
8. Will I be able to afford the Fly Fishing trip.
9. Will I be able to eat until May 16.
10. Will I be able to get into Grad school.
11. Will I be able to get into the credential program.
12. Which one do I choose.

Seagulls are in the sky and

Seashells are shy.

 

The ocean is crashing and

The waves are lashing.

 

 

The wind is breezing and

The people are breathing.

 

Dead fish lye along the shore

The stench goes along with it

Even More.

 

 People are surfing and

The sea Urchins is lurking.

 

 Now its getting dark and

We leave in a Cart.

 

And next time

We will go to the park.


-My brother wrote this poem while he was here.